There is a direct correlation between the amount of room you take up dancing on the dance floor and how crazy you are.

I finally figured out my dj name: The Doctapus. Werd ya'll

I used to be an over the fence kind of guy, but lately, I've been going through the gate and I'm enjoying it.

I've never really gotten the hang of posting to RussThoughts (.com) on my iPhone. This is what happened the last time I tried:

"Today I was makig dried chicken and spilled some freeze I. The floor. Then I stopped in it and it made my socks all slippery. Now I have my shoes on and it squeeks when I walk. My shows smell like chicken."

Testing a post from a text message.

I like to leave notes on my phone so I can remember what I was thinking about the next day. This morning, I found the note: "Don't drop the midget. Hold on to that midget." I believe someone was talking about midgets while Journey was playing. Or maybe we were just having a good ol' fashion midget tossing. Anyone have any other ideas what this could mean?

I think one day I'm going to open a balloon shop named "Dubloons Balloons." All I would do is sell balloons and popcorn. Why popcorn you ask? Yes.

I think they should make a couch that is also a bed. I was thinking of calling is a Bouch, but that kinda sounds like some terrible sex act. I'll have to think about that a bit more.

Update: The Washer, however, is an entrance to Macy's.

Update: My dryer is not, I repeat not, an entrance to Narnia.

I just pulled my laundry out of the dryer, and a green button came out. Nothing I was washing had green buttons. Could my dryer be the entrance to Narnia? Stay tuned, I'm going to investigate.

Everyone always says, "Well I'm not made of money, am I?" But what if you were made of money? You probably still wouldn't buy it because you'd have to give up a finger or an ear.

Today I woke up and said to myself out loud, "Everyone I know is just one tooth away from being a hillbilly." Shocking, I know.