Thursday, December 24, 2009

Attempted Airplane conversation #253:

I started thumbing through the skymall and said, "I always like to see just how many of the gifts I bought this year are actually in SkyMall."

Results: They chuckled, but no real conversation ensued. I fell asleep and probably made a bunch of strange noises which clearly overshadowed the obvious wit of any statements prior.

Score: 4.2 wits out of a possible 10

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

A list of rejected movie sequel names:

1. Juno II: The Coat Hanger Chronicles
2. The Dark Knight II: Let's See If We Can Get Christian Bale to OD This Time
3. Knocked Up II: Another Ugly Fat Guy Wants to Make Out With Kathrein Heigel
4. Superbad II: McLovin's Special Sauce
5. Back to the Future II: Immaculate Conception
6. I Am Sam II: My Dad's Retarded and So Am I
7. Yes Man II: You have Syphilis
8. 40 Year Old Virgin II: 80 Year Old Virgin... Tranny
9.  No Country For Old Men II: Tommy Lee Jones Scowling for 90 Mins...
10. Flight 93 II: LOST Season 1

If you've got more rejected movie sequel names leave them in the comments.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

iPhone app idea #23: iConfessional - You send in your sin and we tell you how many hail marys to say.  Also includes sin viewer to see other people's sins.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Looking for gift ideas this Christmas?  Try this website I threw together:

Comments from some of my co-workers:
"Dear god, it's like staring at the sun!"
"I feel like the guy in Clockwork Orange."

Thursday, December 10, 2009

In the spirit of letting my readers (well, reader) know what else I do on the web, I thought I'd share a review I posted on Amazon that all of 2 people have voted helpful:

And I invite my one reader to become my friend on Amazon.  You can check out Jeff's wishlist...

Monday, December 07, 2009

2012, goddamn it!  Ok, here's the deal.  I'll buy the fact that microwaves from the sun are boiling the planet like an egg in the... well microwave.  And I'll even buy the fact that the best plan we could come up with for surviving the end of the world was to build six arks bigger than anything we've ever built before in less time than it takes to build one skyscraper.  But I won't buy the fact that as 1,500ft tsunami barrels toward someone (and keep in mind, we've been watching the world explode for the past 100 mins) that there is enough telephone infrastructure left in the world to route his cell phone call.  You almost had me you son of a bitch.  You almost had me.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

The other day, I heard a guy complaining about people taking time off from work.  He boasted that when his son was born, he only took one day off from work. 

I asked, "What, was your kid ugly or something?"